There is one thing I have learned since my time in Hollywood: The phrase, "You never know who you are going to run into" is an understatement.

At work, I like to play a game called, Who in the hell is going to walk off the elevator next? It's actually one of my favorite tasks as an intern...to escort people from the elevator and into a meeting room. The funnest part of it all is when the assistants give me the task they usually don't tell me who or what television elitists is going to walk off that elevator. All I can do to prepare is to stand by the elevators, with parking validation stickers in hand and wear my best smile...a smile that runs solely on coffee.

So there I was, standing in the lobby, wondering what elevator the guests who I needed to greet would come out of.  It's awkward because I always greet the wrong group of people. Usually, I accidentally greet the employees from accounting who are coming back from lunch.

"Hi folks! Right this way," I say cheerfully.

"We work here," one of the guys says as he shoots me a dirty look.

On this particular day, I didn't greet the wrong group of people because as soon as this woman and four other guys stepped off the elevator, I knew they meant business. The woman's name was Sally, that was the only piece of information I got from one of the assistants. Diamond earrings dangled from her ears and they matched with her diamond neckless that looked like it was strapped on a bit too tight around her neck.

Her skirt and blazer looked as if it came from a store display from New York City's fashion avenue.

"Hi Sally, right this way please," I said as I directed them towards the meeting room.

I started small talk with one of the men. Even though I was just outside for lunch, I asked him how the weather was holding up. I have to figure out another small talk question because everyone always gives me the same god damn Southern California answer, "Sunny and hot."

Once they were all seated in the pitch room I asked for their parking garage tickets.

"Did you guys all carpool and take a mini van here or did you all drive in separate cars," I asked. They of course laughed so I continued as they all handed me separate parking tickets.

"You each drove here separately? What? Do you not like each other," more laughs. "See this is what I don't understand about LA...why no one here carpools with each other. Getting to use the carpool lane seems well worth it to me," I kept going a bit more as I spoke my mind.

"I like you, what's your name," Sally asked as she pointed her finger and squinted her eyes. She hadn't said anything this whole time.

"My name is Christine Ryan," I said as I extended my hand to shake hers. "But don't worry, I'm just an intern...you don't have to remember my name."

"You shouldn't say that," she said, still squinting and waving her finger at me. I wondered if she was going to talk to the executives like this in the meeting. "I love interns. We all have to start somewhere."

"Very true miss, I guess we all do have to start somewhere" I said politely.

"I like how your not afraid to talk," Sally said in what sounded like a Brooklyn accent. Why is it that  business people always come up with an accent in the middle of a conversation?

"You know what Christine, I really like you. I want to get you a job when you graduate," Sally said as she reached inside her pocket to pull out her business card.

I didn't know what to say. No one had been that up front about offering me a job. I didn't even know what the woman did for work but she must be successful if she can afford all those diamonds. She slapped her business card down on the table.

"Give me a call when you graduate kid. I would love to have you on my team."

I was in shock but I took the business card and thanked numerous times. By the look of the other men's faces in the room, I could tell that she didn't just hand out her business cards to no one.

I walked away from that room relieved. I got offered my first job! I went right over to the assistant who asked me to escort Sally into the room.

"What does that woman, Sally, do for work," I asked her.

"You don't know what that woman does," the assistant asked in shock. I shook my head. "She's the creator of Jersey Shore. She runs one of the most successful reality television companies in town."

I went back to my desk and sat down. Jersey Shore...not my favorite show but damn with those high ratings, I would love to work on a show like that! I still couldn't believe it; my first job offer from a legitimate production company. I was going to make it. Everything thing was going to be ok. No more worrying about my future, where I will go when I graduate, if I will get a job. I had an in.

A couple days later, I sent Sally a very lovely email saying how it was a pleasure meeting her and that I would love to set up a meeting with her. Since she gave me her business card with her email address, I knew she would get this email. I had my mother read over the message to make sure there were no mistakes, and finally, I hit send. Even if she wrote back that she didn't have time to meet, I decided that I didn't have to see the production office to accept the job offer. I could just meet her when I moved out here in May and start working.

From the moment I hit send, until now, three and a half months later, I'm still waiting for a response. She promised me a job...I have faith that people who work in Hollywood hold onto every promise they make because why would anyone make a promise they wouldn't keep? So every night, before I go to bed, I pour myself a cup of milk and check my email and think maybe she got into a horrible accident and as soon she gets better, she will email me back.

Me, my glasses, and Russell Brand

It was another normal day at work; I was on my fifth cup of coffee and was just finishing typing up a summery on a script I read. One of the assistants called my name, “Christine can you come here for second.” Oh boy! What task would I be given now? A run to the mailroom, make a copy of a DVD, write a summary about another pilot?

“Could you please escort the people who are coming off the elevator into room 400?” I took the parking stickers she gave me to validate their parking and right before I turned away to go do my task she said the words that would change my life forever. “It’s Russell Brand who you will be escorting into the room.”

I stopped and tried to register this for a moment and continued walking to the lobby. Russell Brand...the guy in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Katy Perry’s husband, and the dude with the really thick British accent?! As I waited in the lobby for the elevator, I made sure to prep myself. Act professional, don’t talk to him unless he talks to me, and try not to to stare at his unmanly scruff on his face. The elevator door open and there he was with his entourage. 

“Hi guys, right this way please,” I said with confidence. 

“How are you today,” one of his people asked me.

I wanted to reply, fucking great now that I get to tell everyone I saw Russell Brand. “Good thanks, anyone need their parking validated?”

We were in the room at this point and I went around collecting their parking tickets. Then I turned to Russell, “Do you have a parking ticket as well Mr.Brand that you would like me to validate?”

He handed me his ticket and said, “What’s your name by the way?” Wow, he really is British.

“Oh sorry I didn’t introduce myself, my name is Christine. But don’t worry, I’m just an intern, you don’t have to remember my name.”

I handed his parking ticket back after I finished putting the validation sticker on it. He looked at it for a little bit, his hand resting under his chin and his eyes squinted and locked with mine. 

“Those glasses Christine,” he pauses for a second...even his pauses sounded British. I smiled and waited for him to continue his sentence.

“I can picture you just ripping off those glasses and then crazily flipping your hair back and forth,” he said while he was re-enacting this move for me. He shook his head back and forth, his straggly hair whipping from side to side. 

What do you say to a celebrity who basically just called me a sexy librarian?

“Yes, well that’s the only reason why I got these glasses...so I can just rip them off and do just that,” I lied. I really got them because I couldn’t read the menu at U-Burger. 

“When you rip them off and do that, I want to be there,” he said with his eyes still locked on mine.

Now, lets pause here. After watching Katy Perry’s E True Hollywood Story special, I became a huge fan of hers. What a sweet and of course sexy woman she is. Not to mention she is freaking talented and is swimming in money. So, needless to say I respect Katy...cause baby, she’s the ultimate firework. 

I quickly replied to his comment. “Well Russell, I don’t think Katy would like that,” I was kidding of course, and I’m sure he was too but still...did that just happen? Did Katy Perry’s husband just hit on me?

He lowered his voice and whispered in his sexiest Brittish accent, “Well Christine, we don’t have to tell Katy.”

I laughed to myself and continued doing my duties of validating their parking and getting them water. I went back to my desk on the other side of the office and just sat there. Russell fucking Brand. Did I really just get to meet him and did he really just try to hit on me? I had one of those Toto moments from the Wizard Of Oz and I whispered to myself, “I don’t think I’m in Boston anymore.” 

An hour later, when I knew the meeting was over, I went back to the other side where the room was and told my friend the crazy story.

“It makes sense now,” she said after I told her my awkward interaction with him.

“What, why? What are you talking about?”

“When Russell was leaving the room with all his people and walking over to the elevator he held out his hand and yelled, ‘Chhhhrrrriisssssttinnnnneeeeeee!’ and then left.”

I quickly ran over to the elevator, and just like that he was gone. My British lover, his sexy scruffy face, the only man in my life who has ever noticed my sexy glasses, was gone. Defeated, I went back to my desk and sulked over my first Hollywood breakup. Would it be in the papers? No. Did he divorce Katy for me? Of course not. But at least me and my glasses was the only thing that he thought about for that whole meeting. Maybe, in the next life Russell, you can be there when I do rip off my glasses. 

American Horror Story...a show based on everything Ryan Murphy couldn't get away with in Glee

Move over singing high school adults and say hello to American Horror Story that airs on Fox. Want to see what’s really going on in Glee’s creator, Ryan Murphy’s mind? Then you should probably stop watching Glee right now and go illegally watch the pilot of American Horror Story. That’s what I did today and oh boy, I have to say it was much more entertaining then watching a bunch of high schooler actors attempt to get hot and heavy in front of a camera.

I’ve heard a lot of talk about this show and after not wanting to get left out anymore, I finally gave in and watched the pilot episode. After the first 20 seconds, I knew that this was going to be my kind of show. The episode opens with two boys walking into a creepy looking house. Cut to a little girl who has down syndrome (because Ryan Murphy’s trademark seems to be having a down syndrome child in all his shows) who tells the boys that if they go in there that they will die. Of course the boys go in the house and get murdered by a creepy looking creature in the basement. 

After this opening sequence, we are then introduced to the Harmon family. Vivien walks in on her husband Benjamin having an affair. Now, wouldn’t the logical thing to do when you catch your husband getting dirty with another woman is to slap him across the face (or another body part) and then leave him? Nope. Instead, Vivien, her cheating husband Ben, and their teenage daughter, Violet, move across country to Los Angeles. 

Guess what house they move into...you’re right! The creepy looking one because nothing says home like a bunch of people who have been murdered in the basement. Just incase the scary ass house wasn’t creepy by itself, Ben is a therapist who meets with mentally unstable patients in his home. One of his patients: a teenage boy who is freaking insane and says he wants to murder all his friends. Guess what lucky girl is attracted to this boy...yup, the daughter Violet, who by the way has a severe cutting problem. I wonder why Ryan Murphy didn’t write a “cutter” into the Glee script...he seemed to cover every other demographic. 

So of course, a bunch of weird, scary ass crap happens inside this house. One of the weird, yet intriguing things that happens, the house maid appears differently to Vivien and Ben. Vivien sees her as a 60 year old jaded maid and Ben sees her as a sexy, young, vixen who wants to dust off more then just the books in his office. 

In one of the scenes, as Vivien is painting the walls and all of a sudden, the same down sydrom girl from before, Addie, comes out of no where and tells Vivien that she is going to die. Addie’s mother, Constance, comes to get her daughter but turns out that she is just as weird as her daughter. I know all neighbors can be a bit weird (especially my neighbor who always invites me to get ice cream...even in the winter) but Constance is really out there since she lets herself into their house all the time. 

I almost forgot to mention, Ben sees a random guy who has half his body burnt, standing outside his window one day. A couple days later when Ben is jogging, he sees the guy again, catches the guy and asks him why he is stalking him. The guy, who has a really disturbing face, tells Ben that he needs to move out of the house. Turns out the guy use to live there with his wife and two kids but one night, while his family was sleeping, he soaked them all in gasoline and lit them on fire. The guy says that the voices inside that house told him to do this. I guess Ben doesn’t think this guys’ story is bad news bears because he doesn’t take the guy’s advice and move out.

A lot of other mini story lines happen throughout this first episode and it ends with Vivien having sex with who she thought was her husband dressed up in a full body custom. Well, it wasn’t her husband since he was sleep walking and ended up downstairs, holding his hand over the oven burner (which is actually funny because this is exactly what I do when I sleep walk). 

This show may not have any big time actors but it sure has everything else. Suspense, sexy camera moves, murderous creators in the basement, and an intriguing story line. I haven’t gotten a chance to watch all the other episodes but I promise you that I will. Nothing is better then a show that steps out of the television comfort zone and into the creepy, messed up mind of Ryan Murphy. I just hope Fin and Rachel from Glee make a special guest appearance in this show and go down into the basement of this haunted house.

More Dawes, less cookies

I tend to ignore the "Free Showcase" emails that I get at work. I figured that if any band has time to come into the offices of VH1 and play a set, then they must not be that good. But since this showcase featuring Dawes was serving free cookies, I had no option but to pick myself up from my desk and take the elevator down to VH1. 

Next to the free cookies (that no one was eating because God forbid the skinny MTV and VH1 interns inhale over 300 calories), the band was handing out free albums. So to make it look like I wasn't there for just the cookies, I grabbed their album.


As they were setting up I realized that people in band's these days no longer have to look good. Remember the NSync boys and how all of them were hot (at least I thought so). Well, these guys looked average, kind of short (sorry short guys, I'm just not attracted to you) and kind of scruffy and smelly looking. Plus, they didn't talk much to the audience. I'll admit, I judged them. They looked like some low life band who couldn't get a break. So prepared myself to listen to some horrible music by grabbing a second cookie.

The first song they opened with was one called, Time Spent in Los Angeles. You know that feeling when lyrics of a song just match up perfectly with your life? Let me sing you the chorus; 


Cause you got that special kind of sadness
you got that tragic set of charms 
that only comes from time spent in Los Angeles
makes me wanna wrap you in my arms

These lyrics really hit home for me and after listening to them I just wanted to wrap myself up in my arms, grab a third cookie, and cry and laugh at the same time in a dark corner, under a desk. That's what good music does...it gives you that feeling that it's talking to you personally. After that song, they only played two more that also gave me the feeling of wanting to snuggle up with my teddy bear and curl up in the fetal position. The guys said thank you and packed up their stuff and just like that, it was over. On the way home I listened to every song on their album. I was convinced that the singers from Dawes stalked me and wrote about my life since I could really relate to all the lyrics. Here are a few more lyrics from their songs:

My way back home:

I admit that these answers that I seek
Are all to questions I’ve never known
But I pray to keep on looking for as long as I can roam
And when the world finally fulfills me
I will not forget my way back home

If I wanted Someone:

If I wanted someone to clean me up, I’d find myself a maid
if I wanted someone to spend my money, I wouldn’t need to get paid
if I wanted someone to understand me, I’d have so much more to say
I want you to make the days move easy

By the end of the car ride home, after listening to all their songs, I thought about how those free cookies really saved me. It's sad that I would had missed out on an awesome opportunity to see these guy if there had been no free cookies advertised. This made me re-think my life a bit and now I'm going to pass on a mini life lesson that you should all live by too; there's more to life then free cookies. I hope you can take away form this valuable lesson and learn to look past life's free cookies, and open yourself up to new 
experiences.


If you want to listen to Dawes and watch their videos then click here! I tried to post their videos to this blog but it won't let me because of some lame copyright thing. Enjoy!

The Rise and Fall of Daniel Tosh

One Hollywood experience that is a must for everyone is watching a taping of a show. This past week my cherry was finally popped and as you can tell by the picture, I watched a Tosh.O taping. Since I intern with Comedy Central, they were able to give me and two other of the interns access to the standing room. This was located in back of the audience where all the other cool industry people stand.

Fun fact: Tosh.O is taped in the ghetto. Their studio is located down some random side street in Culver City where it seemed every other building was either abandon or occupied by LA drug lords. When we walked up to the studio, all the audience members awaited eagerly outside. For the first time, I didn't have to wait with the rest of the peasants and we quickly were re-directed to back stage and didn't have to go through security.

We stood in our assigned section, right next to the producers and watched as the audience was seated. Now, I'm not a die hard fan of Daniel Tosh so when he finally did come out, I didn't faint or kiss the ground he walked on. Actually, I was eager to see how he would be in person. The thing about television or movie personalities is that you never know how they act in real life. Are they nice, mean, smelly, funny, smart? You don't know until you see them in person. I did have some suspicion of the type of person Tosh is and by the end of the show, I realized I was correct. One word: jaded. Yup, that whole asshole, kind of jaded personality he plays on tv is pretty much how he is in real life.

During the whole taping of the show, it was easy for one to tell that he didn't really want to be there or that he was just sick of the show in general. He would constantly say things like, "Fuck, is this show over yet?" At first it was funny but as he kept saying it, it got really annoying. All these people took time out of their day to come to see a person who just ended up complaining the whole time.  I mean, who can blame him? Watching stupid YouTube videos all day would make me a jaded person too. The best part of this whole taping was what I witnessed at the end.

Once the show ended, the audience was escorted out the front doors and we were backstage with Tosh. He was speaking to one of the Comedy Central executives when all of a sudden this random guy pops out of no where and starts taking a video of Tosh. One of Tosh's producers asked the man to politely to put away the camera. To my surprise he didn't. Then, from this point on, everything was in slow motion.

We see one of the girl's from the audience sneak behind Tosh and pull back her fist. Then, she pushes it forward and up into Daniel Tosh's asshole. I guess I could have stopped this but hey, everyone needs to take a fist to their butt at some point. Tosh of course jumps, turns around and the girl starts laughing, expecting Tosh to laugh back. He didn't of course, and I thank him for creating the most awkward situation. Tosh then says to the executive who he was talking to, "Obviously I have great security here." The girl and her friend with the camera were then escorted out and Tosh was brought back to his green room.

As much as Tosh was kind of a jerk during the show, I actually felt bad for him. People always expect comedians and stars in general to be "in character" meaning that if you do something to them, they will alway joke around with you. Wrong. Even though Tosh has done many re-occurring segments with people getting fists punched up their butts, this doesn't mean Tosh himself is asking people to punch him in the butt.

I went home that night thinking that maybe it is a good thing if I never become famous. Would I really be able to take random people coming up to me and doing weird things to me? I couldn't do it without punching them. Then I realized, that this is probably why Tosh is so jaded...because everyone he talks to outside the show is always expecting him to joke around. So, to all my readers out there, next time your thinking about pulling off a joke or prank with a celeb, please think twice and don't punch them in the butt...instead aim for the balls.

Breaking Bad will never go bad

The feeling of not being able to provide for your family is something that keeps people up at night. For Walter White, it wasn’t a feeling, but a reality since he was given only a couple years to live until lung cancer would over take his body. With a teenage boy who has cerebral palsy, and a pregnant wife, Walter knew he couldn’t leave his family with nothing.

The money he was getting from teaching high school chemistry and working at a local car wash wasn’t going to cut it. After hearing about the high stakes, yet profitable crystal meth business from his DEA brother-in-law, Walter decides to cook meth for some quick cash.  He pairs up with a former deadbeat student who knows the meth business. Together they purchase an RV, drive it to the dessert, and begin to cook. 

Breaking Bad isn’t your typical drug heist show. Instead, it’s about one normal, hard working father who does the most selfless thing he can for his family before he dies. Former Malcolm in the Middle star, Bryan Cranston, breaks free from his old role and completely does a turn around in this role as a brilliant meth cooking chemistry teacher.  His facial expressions and ability to never break character, are talents that only an Emmy winner, like himself, can achieve. All though he is breaking the law, his flawless empathetic performance makes one feel for him every time.

Even though, most of this show’s weight is on Cranston’s shoulders, he would not be able to do it without his brilliant set of co-stars. His pregnant wife who at first, has no idea that he is sick and is cooking meth, is played by Anna Gun. Walt’s son is played by RJ Mitte who actually has cerebral palsy in real life. Walter’s partner, Jesse Pinkman, who is played by Emmy award winning Aaron Paul.   

There has been controversy about this show being similar to Weeds. Yet, cooking and dealing meth adds a completely different angle. The meth dealers have a lot more of an edge, a deadly edge in which Jesse and Walter always have to try to escape. Also, there are more opportunities for dramatic suspense since Walter’s brother-in-law works with the DEA so the viewer is constantly getting an insight to the other side of the story. 

The success of the show goes beyond the actors and suspenseful script. The show is shot like a film with ascetically pleasing, up close shots, that if freezed framed, are a piece of art. These are not just cameramen working on this show, they are truly artists who constantly come up with unique shots that other shows wouldn’t dare to try. 

Even though this show did have a hard time being picked up when it was pitched to all the networks, AMC is probably still bouncing up and down since they got their hands on this six time Emmy winning show. With each season finale continuing to leave more and more viewers pulling out their hair, there is no doubt, that this show will be around for a while. 

Want to know one of the perks of being a Comedy Central Intern?

Well here it is... I got this wonderful soundtrack for free. Jealous?

Haircut, Therapists, Energy Readings, Oh My!

Usually on the East Coast, it takes a hairdresser exactly two appointments until they open up and tell you about their personal life. Here in LA, I realized that it only takes five minutes.

I blame the reviews on Yelp for not warning me about this hair salon. Someone out there needs to create a specialized Yelp for virgin LA'ers. Nowhere in the Yelp reviews did it say, “The manager of this salon will give out free energy readings while you’re getting your highlights and the hair dressers are experts when it comes to having the most awkward conversations with you”. Yup, that's right; I had my first energy reading in a hair salon. But let me start from the beginning.

I knew it was going to be an awkward conversation once my over bleach blond hair stylist showed me her fake hair extensions and then mentioned her separated husband twice in one sentence. Why does everyone in this town have hair extensions? It was too late to escape once she sat me in her chair and put the robe around me. It was at that point that I realized that for the next two hours I was screwed and that my highlights would be the least of my worries.

"Oh you like my extensions? Thank you! My separated husband hated them. Well, we would be divorce if I wasn't so lazy," said the hair stylist...let’s call her Blond. Are people in LA always this open? Since Blond went there, I had to then play along and act interested. My hair was at great risk and if I didn't act interested in this conversation she could make me look just as bad as the homeless bum’s across the street who looked like he had some form of the Herp in his hair.

"I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband are separated. At least now you can get as many hair extensions you want and don't have to worry about him," I said, trying to comfort her.

"Yes, and I'm already use to raising kids by myself. I have an eighteen year old daughter, had her when I was twenty and the father never stuck around. I have a four year old son with this guy but I don't mind being a single mom," Blond said as I titled my head down and she folded more foils into my hair.

"That's great you are a single mom. I personally think kids are raised better with one parent," I pulled that response out of my ass...again my hair was at great risk so I needed to keep her happy.

"I wouldn't be able to do it without my therapist."

You know that climax in the conversation where you think it can't get better then this? Well, surprisingly, this wasn’t the climax.

"My therapist is great because she is also my physic. She even tells me what my dreams mean, tells me what to expect next in my life, and I even brought my kids in and she read their signs!"

Yup, I had to ask her what her kids futures ended up looking like and don't worry everyone, due to the lining of the stars, it looks like her kids are going to have a wonderful future. I wonder if their future also includes free hair extensions.

The best part of all this was when the manager/former actor/ gay idol/ energy reader came over to me and introduced himself.

He started to ask me a ton of questions about myself; What are you doing out here in LA? What’s your major? Where do you see yourself in the future? What are your dreams?

Just like I do with every gay guy I meet, I opened up and told him all about life, dreams, and aspirations. I told him I was interested in a bunch of different things and I don’t know what exactly what I want to do.

We talked for about fifteen minutes and then he asked, "Would you like me to read your energy?"

I agreed and he asked me to hand over my watch since the only way he can conduct a proper energy reading is if he is holding onto a piece of the person's jewelry.

As he clenched my watch in his sweaty palm and closed his eyes, he read my “energy”. "I'm sensing you are a person in search of the truth."

Who in the hell isn't in search of the god damn truth? Who would want to be lied to?

"Yes, that exactly right," I said with a smile as my head was completely tilted downwards at this point as Blond continued to fill my hair with foils.

"You need to trust yourself, that you hold the truth and that you will find the truth."

I went a long with it. I didn't have to guts to tell him that I was the master of lies.

“Oh, wow I’m also sensing some fear. Fear that you don’t know where you will end up in life. You have many path’s to chose from and don’t worry you will chose the right path.”

Bravo, I thought. He just successfully remembered what I told him about myself ten minutes ago.

The surprises kept coming as Blond's four year old son showed up at the end and picked hairy gummies off the floor and told me to eat them.

"Isn't he the best," Blond asked as she blow dried my hair. I smiled but then secretly cringed as he ate the hairy gummy of the floor.

The owner of the hair salon walked me out me out and gave me his business card. "We should get together and have another energy reading. You can bring a friend."

I thanked him and shook his hand, I also gave Blond a decent tip and hugged her four year old son good bye. Sometimes, you are just going to meet unique people in this world (especially in Hollywood). As long as their nice and give you good deals on haircuts, then I say embrace them, open your heart up, and just listen to them, because in the end, to make in Hollywood, we all are going to need some kind of therapist.

Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night...the freaking scariest night of my life

We all make horrible mistakes, especially when you're living Hollywood. My first mistake that I made in Hollywood, was going to Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night. All I wanted to do was to get into the Halloween mood. But instead, I walked into this...

This wasn't a Halloween experience at all. That is unless Halloween is about all the ways you could get murdered. By the end of the night, I decided being chainsawed to death would be the worse way to go...and if I never hear another chainsaw again then I will be the happiest person alive. 

In this picture, I'm actually this scared. In the background is one of the park's scariest mazes: Hostel. When the park employee said it was a maze, I honestly thought there were going to be hay bundles and scare crows were going to pop out. But because Universal Studios has a sick idea of what Halloween is suppose to be, I instead walked into a mock mental hospital. You know when you are watching a scary movie and you yell at the stupid blond girl, "don't go in there" but the dumbass always ends up going in? Yup, I was that stupid blond girl and I really wish I didn't go in. I have never seen so many dark corners in one place and in every dark corner a scary looking thing always managed to pop out and make me poop a little. What was really cool and freaky about these mazes is that they smelled like rotting dead bodies. It actually felt as if I was in a mental hospital with dead bodies and zombies all around me because the smell was so strong. So if you every decide to go into one of these mazes, make sure you not only close your eyes but also hold your nose. 

After going through two of these 'sh*t your paints' mazes I needed a break, so I hit up my favorite ride at the park, The Mummy Returns. 

If it's one thing I learned that night, it's that fake mummies are a lot better then the real ones that were walking around the park. Don't we make a nice couple? 

Next up, the Terror Tram. I was excited to go on the tram that takes you through the back lots of all the sets because it would mean that I would get to sit down for an hour. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. The tram drives you only five minutes and then kicks you off and makes you walk around the dark movie lots. Before I thought Whoville was such a magical place, but now just the thought of it makes me pee. 

Chainsaws and Whoville do not mix.  I eventually gave up of screaming like a little school girl every time and tried talking to one of the scary looking actors. These actors could be Hollywood's future stars (everyone has to start somewhere) so I tried to become friends with them. One actually talked to me! Look! Even though you can't really see the actor (although believe he looked horrifying) listen, because he gave a shout out to my blog!

Doesn't this person sound sexy? So, one of my biggest mistakes in going to this thing was that I only went with one other person. If you ever go to this event, you better go with a huge group. Why? Because then it looks like you are popular and have a lot of friends. But the real reason is because when you are walking around in the dark and you know something is going to pop out at you, you want to make sure you have people on both sides of you. What me and my friend ended up doing was sprinting up to the people in front of us so then all the scary ass things would pop out at them first. So yes, I used people. I would find a big group, talk with them for a bit, became friends, faked laughed with them, interviewed them, and then I would make them walk a few steps a head of me. 

I'm sure I'm not the first journalist who used people for an interview. I do have to admit, as scary as it was walking around the back lots of Universal in the pitch black dark, it was pretty cool that I got to see all the sets up close. They changed all the Desperate Housewives houses into these creepy looking houses.

Cool, right? What would have been even better is if they has the cast of The Desperate Housewives waving to us from the porch...those ladies are pretty scary as is, if you ask me. 

After the Terror Tram, we went back and hit up a couple other rides and then went into one more maze. 

"The Thing" maze was not worth the 100 minute wait time...nothing that will scare your ass off is worth a 100 minute wait time. Towards the end of this whole adventure I got use to scary looking creators popping out with chainsaws. I even became friends with them!

It's probably not a good thing that I no long react to scary people with chainsaws. What happens when one day a clown actually does attack me with a chainsaw? After this whole experience, I'm not going to be afraid of them and run away which means they will end up brutally murdering me. Oh, well. 

Overall, Universal Studios Halloween Horror Night was well worth the $60 ticket. Even though my dry cleaning bill for my soiled paints I wore that night will probably cost more, I still recommend that one shouldn't think twice about spending the money to go. After all this, I walked away a stronger person. I over came some of my greatest fears that night (my fear of chainsaws, people in Scream masks, clowns, real looking insects, Whoville, loud noises, the smell of rotting bodies, roller coasters, dead babies, and blood). And to me, over coming one's fears is priceless....especially if you have one of these right after, then it makes all the pain go away.

(A drink with a lot of alcohol) 

I really need to find the guy who makes these videos....

Do you know who makes these videos? If so, let me know and I will interview them!

Go Karting with Taylor Lautner. No big deal.

"If we go Go Karting with Taylor, you can't get  excited  because he has a girlfriend," said one of my co-workers who is Taylor Lautner’s friend. I actually got offended when he told me this...just because Taylor is famous why would anyone automatically assume I would throw myself at him?! Sure, he has big muscles, a perfectly shaped jaw line (yes, guy's jaw lines do turn me on) and every girl wants to get with him, but that doesn't mean I would! Let me back this story up a bit and tell you how this whole Go Karting thing with Taylor Lautner started.

One day, I was peacefully sitting at my desk when all of a sudden I got attacked....by nerfs. This wasn't your back in the day nerf gun where it shoots one and then takes a half an hour to re-load. This was a freaking machine nerf gun. After 20 nerfs to the head, I asked my lovely co-work where in the heck did he get a state of the art nerf gun? His response, "Taylor Lautner gave it to me.” Now, most girls at this point would melt and beg for him to tell them everything about Taylor. Not me. I'm smart, so I used reverse physiology and pretended like I wasn’t impressed.

"Oh cool. So what are you like his friend or something," I asked in my calmest voice.

"Yeah, my old agency used to represent him. Some studio was trying to get him to sign onto a movie so they sent him a bunch of nerf guns. He ended up giving them all to me."

"Cool," I said and I sat back down in my cubical and picked up all the nerfs that Taylor Lautner once touched. I'm better than this, I thought to myself. I can't freak out, this is Hollywood. Everyone knows everyone and I can't be the one overly giddy excited girl. So I refrained myself from smelling the Taylor nerfs.

The next days I walked past my co-workers and he held up his phone. "See that, Taylor is texting me. You jealous?"

"You're lying, I don't think your friends with Taylor." Now why did I say this? I didn't actually think he was lying to me but I wanted to secretly know more.

"No, come here look at his texts.” Haha my plan worked. “He wants to go Go Karting soon. Going anywhere with Taylor is the best cause he pays for everything. You should come!"

I stayed calm. I never admitted this to anyone but sometimes I watch all the Twilight movies in the dark and hit pause whenever Taylor takes his shirt off. Once, I walked into my friend’s room and she had a topless picture of Taylor and I asked her where she bought it. Maybe I did accidently sniff Taylor's nerfs but no one knows any of this...why? Because I knew this day would come where I would get a chance to hang out with Taylor and if anyone knew that I am madly in love with him then I would never get the chance to be his friend with benefits.

So back to the beginning of the story when my co-worker said he has a girlfriend so I wouldn’t be able to hit on him if we all hung out.

"Who said I like him? I don't think he's that attractive. I mean, yeah, he looks like a nice person but trust me I would never be ‘that girl’ if we all hung out."

"Ok, just making sure. I'll see when he is available to go Go Karting," said my co-worker as I walked back to my cubical.

I sat down, not believing that at that moment plans were being set up for me to hang out with Taylor Lautner and his friends. I officially made it in Hollywood. Stay calm, don't panic, I can't let anyone know that I am an obsessed fan. I opened my desk drawer and took out a nerf- Taylor's nerf. I looked at it, held it up to my nose, and sniffed in its luscious foamy Taylor Lautner’s scent. It smelled magical and I knew that if I actually did get to hang out with Taylor in person that he would smell even more magical.

Bill Clinton: the biggest, the baddest, the sexiest, and the most intellectual interview ever.

Back in my news reporting days I got to interview one interesting celebrity. My school sent me out to this assignment and I had no idea what to expect until Bill Clinton walked right past me. I couldn't let him get away. To this day, my interview with former President, Bill Clinton, has been the best interview of my life. Why is that you might ask? Well, because it was the easiest interview I ever landed. All I had to do was yell, "Bill" and he came right over. Could it have been that Mr.Clinton saw my long flowing blond hair and he just had to rush over to talk to me? I don't think so. I heard he has a thing for brunettes.

A scoop minus the poop

Hold onto your hats and get ready to load on the baby oil because another Jersey Shore type show is about to break onto the airwaves. Hopefully, you’re not sick of bitch fights and drunken hookups because a show called, Brooklyn Crew, is coming to an Oxygen channel near you. This show is about two groups of friends who are now rivals after betrayal and jealously tore them apart. It’s actually a coincidence since those two things are exactly what tore me and my cat apart. Want to know the best is part about is when it comes to this new show Brooklyn Crew? I worked on it this summer in New York City so a got a scoop minus the poop for you!

Being a naïve production intern, I had no idea how important this project was going to be, until they asked me to make copies of all twelve of these random teens headshots and then summarize each of their bios. When making all those copies and then neatly putting them all in the production binder, I finally realized the answer to a question I have waited all my life to answer; how does one become famous? The answer: take a head shot in which your hair teases at the top and is fried at the ends, make sure your skin color looks like that of a Native American’s who took a bath in a dark orange chalk like paint, and then put on enough eye make-up that puts the Sephora store to shame. Next step to become famous: write a bio of yourself that consist of three things.  1.) Talk about how mommy and daddy don’t get along. 2.) Write sentences that only a five year old can understand. 3.) Even if no one likes you, lie and say everyone loves you and you have a huge group of sexy looking best friends.

You should all be taking notes on this valuable information because believe me; this trend of reality bitch fight shows is not going anywhere. So you might as well hop on the band wagon and try out to be on one of these shows. Brooklyn Crew isn’t the only show that’s following this trend. Oxygen also asked Sallyanne Salsano, the creator of Jersey Shore (who I actually met recently and she offered me a job but I am saving that story for another blog post) to come up with the next big thing. So, the Jersey Shore creator is working on a show called Tanisha Gets Married which follows the outrageous path of former Bad Girls Club star Tanisha Thomas. I know, I know… I can’t wait to for all these new shows to air too!

Overall, like I said, we all need to embrace the trend of these reality shows. Working on these types of shows can actually be a fun time. Plus, who wouldn’t want to dedicate their life to making a random group of friends who are dumber then the turtle I had in the fourth grade, famous? I noticed that all the producers from Brooklyn Crew loved coming into work the next morning after staying up until 2am filming at club and having the highlight of their night be two drunken girls attempting to slap each other. Plus, listening to some of those conversations the producers had on the phone with some of the girls, “Well, do you think your mom would be ok with us filming in the house on Sunday”- truly priceless.  At least everyone who works on these types of shows (including myself who worked on reality shows all summer) can at least rest peacefully at night knowing that they changed the lives of a group of overly tanned teens. I mean, how many of you can say that you have made a realy contribution like that to the world?

Who makes these videos?!

Ok, I need to find the person who made this video and shake their hand. Do you know who made this video?

Melissa McCarthy- One of the few stars I'd buy vodka and tonic for

Move over skinny ass female comedians; Melissa McCarthy is finally getting noticed...in a good way. Heavy set, loud female actresses are the "in" thing right now and that's why I am currently eating a roll of Toll House cookie dough and listening to "Big Girls Don't Cry"by Fergie. On deadline.com there is an article about Melissa upping the SNL ratings from last week when Alec Baldwin hosted.

Today will officially be known as the day Melissa McCarthy finally is noticed. Her winning an Emmy doesn't count for getting noticed. It is not until they are mentioned in my blog that someone is officially noticed and recognized.

So why today verse any of the other days is Melissa being recognized? Well lets just say it's because I hung out with her today. Yup that's right. It was me, Mr. Ted (a.k.a. the best teddy bear ever that sits next to me on my bed) and Melissa, who was in my television but I still consider it hanging out with her.

Anyways, today I watched Bridesmaids for the first time. Then I watched the SNL show that aired last night because I was busy reading The Great Gatsby and not taking body shots off an Indian belly dancer at some random bar in downtown Hollywood. After getting a heavy dose of the M I realized that this is one actress who ain't going anywhere anytime soon.

Remember her in Gilmore Girls? Ok, first of all do you remember the show Gilmore Girls? It was the show mothers loved to watch with their daughters and a show that made me wish I was able to get with every guy Rory Gilmore hooked up with. Melissa rocked the role of Sookie who was a nervous break down of a chef. For the longest time I thought Melissa was actually a chef. I was either young and naive or she was one damn good of an actress. Now I realized she was just one damn good of an actress.

Since then Melissa has been to two television shows, one of them being Mike and Molly in which she won the Emmy award for. But I'll be honest, I have never seen that show. I know what you are thinking; here I am ranting about how awesome of an actress Melissa really is and I haven't even seen her hit show. But you know what, at least I was honest with you and one day you, as my reader, will respect how I am an honest person and not one of those people who acts like they have seen ever freaken television show ever made. Yeah, you know those people? Well, I'm not one of them nor do I intend to be. Shall we move on now?

In the movie Bridesmaids Melissa never broke character. During that whole movie I completely forgot that I was watching the Emmy award winning actress. Multiple times Kristen Wig was just playing herself and not the role of Annie that she was given. Did you watch Melissa on SNL this week? If not go watch her and you will notice she has her lines memorized. Yup. She was one of the rare people on SNL who didn't have to awkwardly look to the left of the camera to read cue cards. Because of that I think SNL should hire her full time and then hire me full time for coming up with the idea.

So no wonder the ratings soared this week on SNL and beat all the other premiers that continued to spiral downward. If you look back at all the work that she has done you will find that she is one talented comedian/ actress and that is why I hope she pops out of my television set one day so I can buy her a well deserved vodka and tonic.