Haircut, Therapists, Energy Readings, Oh My!

Usually on the East Coast, it takes a hairdresser exactly two appointments until they open up and tell you about their personal life. Here in LA, I realized that it only takes five minutes.

I blame the reviews on Yelp for not warning me about this hair salon. Someone out there needs to create a specialized Yelp for virgin LA'ers. Nowhere in the Yelp reviews did it say, “The manager of this salon will give out free energy readings while you’re getting your highlights and the hair dressers are experts when it comes to having the most awkward conversations with you”. Yup, that's right; I had my first energy reading in a hair salon. But let me start from the beginning.

I knew it was going to be an awkward conversation once my over bleach blond hair stylist showed me her fake hair extensions and then mentioned her separated husband twice in one sentence. Why does everyone in this town have hair extensions? It was too late to escape once she sat me in her chair and put the robe around me. It was at that point that I realized that for the next two hours I was screwed and that my highlights would be the least of my worries.

"Oh you like my extensions? Thank you! My separated husband hated them. Well, we would be divorce if I wasn't so lazy," said the hair stylist...let’s call her Blond. Are people in LA always this open? Since Blond went there, I had to then play along and act interested. My hair was at great risk and if I didn't act interested in this conversation she could make me look just as bad as the homeless bum’s across the street who looked like he had some form of the Herp in his hair.

"I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband are separated. At least now you can get as many hair extensions you want and don't have to worry about him," I said, trying to comfort her.

"Yes, and I'm already use to raising kids by myself. I have an eighteen year old daughter, had her when I was twenty and the father never stuck around. I have a four year old son with this guy but I don't mind being a single mom," Blond said as I titled my head down and she folded more foils into my hair.

"That's great you are a single mom. I personally think kids are raised better with one parent," I pulled that response out of my ass...again my hair was at great risk so I needed to keep her happy.

"I wouldn't be able to do it without my therapist."

You know that climax in the conversation where you think it can't get better then this? Well, surprisingly, this wasn’t the climax.

"My therapist is great because she is also my physic. She even tells me what my dreams mean, tells me what to expect next in my life, and I even brought my kids in and she read their signs!"

Yup, I had to ask her what her kids futures ended up looking like and don't worry everyone, due to the lining of the stars, it looks like her kids are going to have a wonderful future. I wonder if their future also includes free hair extensions.

The best part of all this was when the manager/former actor/ gay idol/ energy reader came over to me and introduced himself.

He started to ask me a ton of questions about myself; What are you doing out here in LA? What’s your major? Where do you see yourself in the future? What are your dreams?

Just like I do with every gay guy I meet, I opened up and told him all about life, dreams, and aspirations. I told him I was interested in a bunch of different things and I don’t know what exactly what I want to do.

We talked for about fifteen minutes and then he asked, "Would you like me to read your energy?"

I agreed and he asked me to hand over my watch since the only way he can conduct a proper energy reading is if he is holding onto a piece of the person's jewelry.

As he clenched my watch in his sweaty palm and closed his eyes, he read my “energy”. "I'm sensing you are a person in search of the truth."

Who in the hell isn't in search of the god damn truth? Who would want to be lied to?

"Yes, that exactly right," I said with a smile as my head was completely tilted downwards at this point as Blond continued to fill my hair with foils.

"You need to trust yourself, that you hold the truth and that you will find the truth."

I went a long with it. I didn't have to guts to tell him that I was the master of lies.

“Oh, wow I’m also sensing some fear. Fear that you don’t know where you will end up in life. You have many path’s to chose from and don’t worry you will chose the right path.”

Bravo, I thought. He just successfully remembered what I told him about myself ten minutes ago.

The surprises kept coming as Blond's four year old son showed up at the end and picked hairy gummies off the floor and told me to eat them.

"Isn't he the best," Blond asked as she blow dried my hair. I smiled but then secretly cringed as he ate the hairy gummy of the floor.

The owner of the hair salon walked me out me out and gave me his business card. "We should get together and have another energy reading. You can bring a friend."

I thanked him and shook his hand, I also gave Blond a decent tip and hugged her four year old son good bye. Sometimes, you are just going to meet unique people in this world (especially in Hollywood). As long as their nice and give you good deals on haircuts, then I say embrace them, open your heart up, and just listen to them, because in the end, to make in Hollywood, we all are going to need some kind of therapist.