It was another normal day at work; I was on my fifth cup of coffee and was just finishing typing up a summery on a script I read. One of the assistants called my name, “Christine can you come here for second.” Oh boy! What task would I be given now? A run to the mailroom, make a copy of a DVD, write a summary about another pilot?
“Could you please escort the people who are coming off the elevator into room 400?” I took the parking stickers she gave me to validate their parking and right before I turned away to go do my task she said the words that would change my life forever. “It’s Russell Brand who you will be escorting into the room.”
I stopped and tried to register this for a moment and continued walking to the lobby. Russell Brand...the guy in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Katy Perry’s husband, and the dude with the really thick British accent?! As I waited in the lobby for the elevator, I made sure to prep myself. Act professional, don’t talk to him unless he talks to me, and try not to to stare at his unmanly scruff on his face. The elevator door open and there he was with his entourage.
“Hi guys, right this way please,” I said with confidence.
“How are you today,” one of his people asked me.
I wanted to reply, fucking great now that I get to tell everyone I saw Russell Brand. “Good thanks, anyone need their parking validated?”
We were in the room at this point and I went around collecting their parking tickets. Then I turned to Russell, “Do you have a parking ticket as well Mr.Brand that you would like me to validate?”
He handed me his ticket and said, “What’s your name by the way?” Wow, he really is British.
“Oh sorry I didn’t introduce myself, my name is Christine. But don’t worry, I’m just an intern, you don’t have to remember my name.”
I handed his parking ticket back after I finished putting the validation sticker on it. He looked at it for a little bit, his hand resting under his chin and his eyes squinted and locked with mine.
“Those glasses Christine,” he pauses for a second...even his pauses sounded British. I smiled and waited for him to continue his sentence.
“I can picture you just ripping off those glasses and then crazily flipping your hair back and forth,” he said while he was re-enacting this move for me. He shook his head back and forth, his straggly hair whipping from side to side.
What do you say to a celebrity who basically just called me a sexy librarian?
“Yes, well that’s the only reason why I got these glasses...so I can just rip them off and do just that,” I lied. I really got them because I couldn’t read the menu at U-Burger.
“When you rip them off and do that, I want to be there,” he said with his eyes still locked on mine.
Now, lets pause here. After watching Katy Perry’s E True Hollywood Story special, I became a huge fan of hers. What a sweet and of course sexy woman she is. Not to mention she is freaking talented and is swimming in money. So, needless to say I respect Katy...cause baby, she’s the ultimate firework.
I quickly replied to his comment. “Well Russell, I don’t think Katy would like that,” I was kidding of course, and I’m sure he was too but still...did that just happen? Did Katy Perry’s husband just hit on me?
He lowered his voice and whispered in his sexiest Brittish accent, “Well Christine, we don’t have to tell Katy.”
I laughed to myself and continued doing my duties of validating their parking and getting them water. I went back to my desk on the other side of the office and just sat there. Russell fucking Brand. Did I really just get to meet him and did he really just try to hit on me? I had one of those Toto moments from the Wizard Of Oz and I whispered to myself, “I don’t think I’m in Boston anymore.”
An hour later, when I knew the meeting was over, I went back to the other side where the room was and told my friend the crazy story.
“It makes sense now,” she said after I told her my awkward interaction with him.
“What, why? What are you talking about?”
“When Russell was leaving the room with all his people and walking over to the elevator he held out his hand and yelled, ‘Chhhhrrrriisssssttinnnnneeeeeee!’ and then left.”
I quickly ran over to the elevator, and just like that he was gone. My British lover, his sexy scruffy face, the only man in my life who has ever noticed my sexy glasses, was gone. Defeated, I went back to my desk and sulked over my first Hollywood breakup. Would it be in the papers? No. Did he divorce Katy for me? Of course not. But at least me and my glasses was the only thing that he thought about for that whole meeting. Maybe, in the next life Russell, you can be there when I do rip off my glasses.
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