There is one thing I have learned since my time in Hollywood: The phrase, "You never know who you are going to run into" is an understatement.

At work, I like to play a game called, Who in the hell is going to walk off the elevator next? It's actually one of my favorite tasks as an intern...to escort people from the elevator and into a meeting room. The funnest part of it all is when the assistants give me the task they usually don't tell me who or what television elitists is going to walk off that elevator. All I can do to prepare is to stand by the elevators, with parking validation stickers in hand and wear my best smile...a smile that runs solely on coffee.

So there I was, standing in the lobby, wondering what elevator the guests who I needed to greet would come out of.  It's awkward because I always greet the wrong group of people. Usually, I accidentally greet the employees from accounting who are coming back from lunch.

"Hi folks! Right this way," I say cheerfully.

"We work here," one of the guys says as he shoots me a dirty look.

On this particular day, I didn't greet the wrong group of people because as soon as this woman and four other guys stepped off the elevator, I knew they meant business. The woman's name was Sally, that was the only piece of information I got from one of the assistants. Diamond earrings dangled from her ears and they matched with her diamond neckless that looked like it was strapped on a bit too tight around her neck.

Her skirt and blazer looked as if it came from a store display from New York City's fashion avenue.

"Hi Sally, right this way please," I said as I directed them towards the meeting room.

I started small talk with one of the men. Even though I was just outside for lunch, I asked him how the weather was holding up. I have to figure out another small talk question because everyone always gives me the same god damn Southern California answer, "Sunny and hot."

Once they were all seated in the pitch room I asked for their parking garage tickets.

"Did you guys all carpool and take a mini van here or did you all drive in separate cars," I asked. They of course laughed so I continued as they all handed me separate parking tickets.

"You each drove here separately? What? Do you not like each other," more laughs. "See this is what I don't understand about LA...why no one here carpools with each other. Getting to use the carpool lane seems well worth it to me," I kept going a bit more as I spoke my mind.

"I like you, what's your name," Sally asked as she pointed her finger and squinted her eyes. She hadn't said anything this whole time.

"My name is Christine Ryan," I said as I extended my hand to shake hers. "But don't worry, I'm just an intern...you don't have to remember my name."

"You shouldn't say that," she said, still squinting and waving her finger at me. I wondered if she was going to talk to the executives like this in the meeting. "I love interns. We all have to start somewhere."

"Very true miss, I guess we all do have to start somewhere" I said politely.

"I like how your not afraid to talk," Sally said in what sounded like a Brooklyn accent. Why is it that  business people always come up with an accent in the middle of a conversation?

"You know what Christine, I really like you. I want to get you a job when you graduate," Sally said as she reached inside her pocket to pull out her business card.

I didn't know what to say. No one had been that up front about offering me a job. I didn't even know what the woman did for work but she must be successful if she can afford all those diamonds. She slapped her business card down on the table.

"Give me a call when you graduate kid. I would love to have you on my team."

I was in shock but I took the business card and thanked numerous times. By the look of the other men's faces in the room, I could tell that she didn't just hand out her business cards to no one.

I walked away from that room relieved. I got offered my first job! I went right over to the assistant who asked me to escort Sally into the room.

"What does that woman, Sally, do for work," I asked her.

"You don't know what that woman does," the assistant asked in shock. I shook my head. "She's the creator of Jersey Shore. She runs one of the most successful reality television companies in town."

I went back to my desk and sat down. Jersey Shore...not my favorite show but damn with those high ratings, I would love to work on a show like that! I still couldn't believe it; my first job offer from a legitimate production company. I was going to make it. Everything thing was going to be ok. No more worrying about my future, where I will go when I graduate, if I will get a job. I had an in.

A couple days later, I sent Sally a very lovely email saying how it was a pleasure meeting her and that I would love to set up a meeting with her. Since she gave me her business card with her email address, I knew she would get this email. I had my mother read over the message to make sure there were no mistakes, and finally, I hit send. Even if she wrote back that she didn't have time to meet, I decided that I didn't have to see the production office to accept the job offer. I could just meet her when I moved out here in May and start working.

From the moment I hit send, until now, three and a half months later, I'm still waiting for a response. She promised me a job...I have faith that people who work in Hollywood hold onto every promise they make because why would anyone make a promise they wouldn't keep? So every night, before I go to bed, I pour myself a cup of milk and check my email and think maybe she got into a horrible accident and as soon she gets better, she will email me back.

Me, my glasses, and Russell Brand

It was another normal day at work; I was on my fifth cup of coffee and was just finishing typing up a summery on a script I read. One of the assistants called my name, “Christine can you come here for second.” Oh boy! What task would I be given now? A run to the mailroom, make a copy of a DVD, write a summary about another pilot?

“Could you please escort the people who are coming off the elevator into room 400?” I took the parking stickers she gave me to validate their parking and right before I turned away to go do my task she said the words that would change my life forever. “It’s Russell Brand who you will be escorting into the room.”

I stopped and tried to register this for a moment and continued walking to the lobby. Russell Brand...the guy in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Katy Perry’s husband, and the dude with the really thick British accent?! As I waited in the lobby for the elevator, I made sure to prep myself. Act professional, don’t talk to him unless he talks to me, and try not to to stare at his unmanly scruff on his face. The elevator door open and there he was with his entourage. 

“Hi guys, right this way please,” I said with confidence. 

“How are you today,” one of his people asked me.

I wanted to reply, fucking great now that I get to tell everyone I saw Russell Brand. “Good thanks, anyone need their parking validated?”

We were in the room at this point and I went around collecting their parking tickets. Then I turned to Russell, “Do you have a parking ticket as well Mr.Brand that you would like me to validate?”

He handed me his ticket and said, “What’s your name by the way?” Wow, he really is British.

“Oh sorry I didn’t introduce myself, my name is Christine. But don’t worry, I’m just an intern, you don’t have to remember my name.”

I handed his parking ticket back after I finished putting the validation sticker on it. He looked at it for a little bit, his hand resting under his chin and his eyes squinted and locked with mine. 

“Those glasses Christine,” he pauses for a second...even his pauses sounded British. I smiled and waited for him to continue his sentence.

“I can picture you just ripping off those glasses and then crazily flipping your hair back and forth,” he said while he was re-enacting this move for me. He shook his head back and forth, his straggly hair whipping from side to side. 

What do you say to a celebrity who basically just called me a sexy librarian?

“Yes, well that’s the only reason why I got these glasses...so I can just rip them off and do just that,” I lied. I really got them because I couldn’t read the menu at U-Burger. 

“When you rip them off and do that, I want to be there,” he said with his eyes still locked on mine.

Now, lets pause here. After watching Katy Perry’s E True Hollywood Story special, I became a huge fan of hers. What a sweet and of course sexy woman she is. Not to mention she is freaking talented and is swimming in money. So, needless to say I respect Katy...cause baby, she’s the ultimate firework. 

I quickly replied to his comment. “Well Russell, I don’t think Katy would like that,” I was kidding of course, and I’m sure he was too but still...did that just happen? Did Katy Perry’s husband just hit on me?

He lowered his voice and whispered in his sexiest Brittish accent, “Well Christine, we don’t have to tell Katy.”

I laughed to myself and continued doing my duties of validating their parking and getting them water. I went back to my desk on the other side of the office and just sat there. Russell fucking Brand. Did I really just get to meet him and did he really just try to hit on me? I had one of those Toto moments from the Wizard Of Oz and I whispered to myself, “I don’t think I’m in Boston anymore.” 

An hour later, when I knew the meeting was over, I went back to the other side where the room was and told my friend the crazy story.

“It makes sense now,” she said after I told her my awkward interaction with him.

“What, why? What are you talking about?”

“When Russell was leaving the room with all his people and walking over to the elevator he held out his hand and yelled, ‘Chhhhrrrriisssssttinnnnneeeeeee!’ and then left.”

I quickly ran over to the elevator, and just like that he was gone. My British lover, his sexy scruffy face, the only man in my life who has ever noticed my sexy glasses, was gone. Defeated, I went back to my desk and sulked over my first Hollywood breakup. Would it be in the papers? No. Did he divorce Katy for me? Of course not. But at least me and my glasses was the only thing that he thought about for that whole meeting. Maybe, in the next life Russell, you can be there when I do rip off my glasses. 

American Horror Story...a show based on everything Ryan Murphy couldn't get away with in Glee

Move over singing high school adults and say hello to American Horror Story that airs on Fox. Want to see what’s really going on in Glee’s creator, Ryan Murphy’s mind? Then you should probably stop watching Glee right now and go illegally watch the pilot of American Horror Story. That’s what I did today and oh boy, I have to say it was much more entertaining then watching a bunch of high schooler actors attempt to get hot and heavy in front of a camera.

I’ve heard a lot of talk about this show and after not wanting to get left out anymore, I finally gave in and watched the pilot episode. After the first 20 seconds, I knew that this was going to be my kind of show. The episode opens with two boys walking into a creepy looking house. Cut to a little girl who has down syndrome (because Ryan Murphy’s trademark seems to be having a down syndrome child in all his shows) who tells the boys that if they go in there that they will die. Of course the boys go in the house and get murdered by a creepy looking creature in the basement. 

After this opening sequence, we are then introduced to the Harmon family. Vivien walks in on her husband Benjamin having an affair. Now, wouldn’t the logical thing to do when you catch your husband getting dirty with another woman is to slap him across the face (or another body part) and then leave him? Nope. Instead, Vivien, her cheating husband Ben, and their teenage daughter, Violet, move across country to Los Angeles. 

Guess what house they move into...you’re right! The creepy looking one because nothing says home like a bunch of people who have been murdered in the basement. Just incase the scary ass house wasn’t creepy by itself, Ben is a therapist who meets with mentally unstable patients in his home. One of his patients: a teenage boy who is freaking insane and says he wants to murder all his friends. Guess what lucky girl is attracted to this boy...yup, the daughter Violet, who by the way has a severe cutting problem. I wonder why Ryan Murphy didn’t write a “cutter” into the Glee script...he seemed to cover every other demographic. 

So of course, a bunch of weird, scary ass crap happens inside this house. One of the weird, yet intriguing things that happens, the house maid appears differently to Vivien and Ben. Vivien sees her as a 60 year old jaded maid and Ben sees her as a sexy, young, vixen who wants to dust off more then just the books in his office. 

In one of the scenes, as Vivien is painting the walls and all of a sudden, the same down sydrom girl from before, Addie, comes out of no where and tells Vivien that she is going to die. Addie’s mother, Constance, comes to get her daughter but turns out that she is just as weird as her daughter. I know all neighbors can be a bit weird (especially my neighbor who always invites me to get ice cream...even in the winter) but Constance is really out there since she lets herself into their house all the time. 

I almost forgot to mention, Ben sees a random guy who has half his body burnt, standing outside his window one day. A couple days later when Ben is jogging, he sees the guy again, catches the guy and asks him why he is stalking him. The guy, who has a really disturbing face, tells Ben that he needs to move out of the house. Turns out the guy use to live there with his wife and two kids but one night, while his family was sleeping, he soaked them all in gasoline and lit them on fire. The guy says that the voices inside that house told him to do this. I guess Ben doesn’t think this guys’ story is bad news bears because he doesn’t take the guy’s advice and move out.

A lot of other mini story lines happen throughout this first episode and it ends with Vivien having sex with who she thought was her husband dressed up in a full body custom. Well, it wasn’t her husband since he was sleep walking and ended up downstairs, holding his hand over the oven burner (which is actually funny because this is exactly what I do when I sleep walk). 

This show may not have any big time actors but it sure has everything else. Suspense, sexy camera moves, murderous creators in the basement, and an intriguing story line. I haven’t gotten a chance to watch all the other episodes but I promise you that I will. Nothing is better then a show that steps out of the television comfort zone and into the creepy, messed up mind of Ryan Murphy. I just hope Fin and Rachel from Glee make a special guest appearance in this show and go down into the basement of this haunted house.

More Dawes, less cookies

I tend to ignore the "Free Showcase" emails that I get at work. I figured that if any band has time to come into the offices of VH1 and play a set, then they must not be that good. But since this showcase featuring Dawes was serving free cookies, I had no option but to pick myself up from my desk and take the elevator down to VH1. 

Next to the free cookies (that no one was eating because God forbid the skinny MTV and VH1 interns inhale over 300 calories), the band was handing out free albums. So to make it look like I wasn't there for just the cookies, I grabbed their album.


As they were setting up I realized that people in band's these days no longer have to look good. Remember the NSync boys and how all of them were hot (at least I thought so). Well, these guys looked average, kind of short (sorry short guys, I'm just not attracted to you) and kind of scruffy and smelly looking. Plus, they didn't talk much to the audience. I'll admit, I judged them. They looked like some low life band who couldn't get a break. So prepared myself to listen to some horrible music by grabbing a second cookie.

The first song they opened with was one called, Time Spent in Los Angeles. You know that feeling when lyrics of a song just match up perfectly with your life? Let me sing you the chorus; 


Cause you got that special kind of sadness
you got that tragic set of charms 
that only comes from time spent in Los Angeles
makes me wanna wrap you in my arms

These lyrics really hit home for me and after listening to them I just wanted to wrap myself up in my arms, grab a third cookie, and cry and laugh at the same time in a dark corner, under a desk. That's what good music does...it gives you that feeling that it's talking to you personally. After that song, they only played two more that also gave me the feeling of wanting to snuggle up with my teddy bear and curl up in the fetal position. The guys said thank you and packed up their stuff and just like that, it was over. On the way home I listened to every song on their album. I was convinced that the singers from Dawes stalked me and wrote about my life since I could really relate to all the lyrics. Here are a few more lyrics from their songs:

My way back home:

I admit that these answers that I seek
Are all to questions I’ve never known
But I pray to keep on looking for as long as I can roam
And when the world finally fulfills me
I will not forget my way back home

If I wanted Someone:

If I wanted someone to clean me up, I’d find myself a maid
if I wanted someone to spend my money, I wouldn’t need to get paid
if I wanted someone to understand me, I’d have so much more to say
I want you to make the days move easy

By the end of the car ride home, after listening to all their songs, I thought about how those free cookies really saved me. It's sad that I would had missed out on an awesome opportunity to see these guy if there had been no free cookies advertised. This made me re-think my life a bit and now I'm going to pass on a mini life lesson that you should all live by too; there's more to life then free cookies. I hope you can take away form this valuable lesson and learn to look past life's free cookies, and open yourself up to new 
experiences.


If you want to listen to Dawes and watch their videos then click here! I tried to post their videos to this blog but it won't let me because of some lame copyright thing. Enjoy!

The Rise and Fall of Daniel Tosh

One Hollywood experience that is a must for everyone is watching a taping of a show. This past week my cherry was finally popped and as you can tell by the picture, I watched a Tosh.O taping. Since I intern with Comedy Central, they were able to give me and two other of the interns access to the standing room. This was located in back of the audience where all the other cool industry people stand.

Fun fact: Tosh.O is taped in the ghetto. Their studio is located down some random side street in Culver City where it seemed every other building was either abandon or occupied by LA drug lords. When we walked up to the studio, all the audience members awaited eagerly outside. For the first time, I didn't have to wait with the rest of the peasants and we quickly were re-directed to back stage and didn't have to go through security.

We stood in our assigned section, right next to the producers and watched as the audience was seated. Now, I'm not a die hard fan of Daniel Tosh so when he finally did come out, I didn't faint or kiss the ground he walked on. Actually, I was eager to see how he would be in person. The thing about television or movie personalities is that you never know how they act in real life. Are they nice, mean, smelly, funny, smart? You don't know until you see them in person. I did have some suspicion of the type of person Tosh is and by the end of the show, I realized I was correct. One word: jaded. Yup, that whole asshole, kind of jaded personality he plays on tv is pretty much how he is in real life.

During the whole taping of the show, it was easy for one to tell that he didn't really want to be there or that he was just sick of the show in general. He would constantly say things like, "Fuck, is this show over yet?" At first it was funny but as he kept saying it, it got really annoying. All these people took time out of their day to come to see a person who just ended up complaining the whole time.  I mean, who can blame him? Watching stupid YouTube videos all day would make me a jaded person too. The best part of this whole taping was what I witnessed at the end.

Once the show ended, the audience was escorted out the front doors and we were backstage with Tosh. He was speaking to one of the Comedy Central executives when all of a sudden this random guy pops out of no where and starts taking a video of Tosh. One of Tosh's producers asked the man to politely to put away the camera. To my surprise he didn't. Then, from this point on, everything was in slow motion.

We see one of the girl's from the audience sneak behind Tosh and pull back her fist. Then, she pushes it forward and up into Daniel Tosh's asshole. I guess I could have stopped this but hey, everyone needs to take a fist to their butt at some point. Tosh of course jumps, turns around and the girl starts laughing, expecting Tosh to laugh back. He didn't of course, and I thank him for creating the most awkward situation. Tosh then says to the executive who he was talking to, "Obviously I have great security here." The girl and her friend with the camera were then escorted out and Tosh was brought back to his green room.

As much as Tosh was kind of a jerk during the show, I actually felt bad for him. People always expect comedians and stars in general to be "in character" meaning that if you do something to them, they will alway joke around with you. Wrong. Even though Tosh has done many re-occurring segments with people getting fists punched up their butts, this doesn't mean Tosh himself is asking people to punch him in the butt.

I went home that night thinking that maybe it is a good thing if I never become famous. Would I really be able to take random people coming up to me and doing weird things to me? I couldn't do it without punching them. Then I realized, that this is probably why Tosh is so jaded...because everyone he talks to outside the show is always expecting him to joke around. So, to all my readers out there, next time your thinking about pulling off a joke or prank with a celeb, please think twice and don't punch them in the butt...instead aim for the balls.